Recently a Facebook post has been circulating titled: 13 things musicians are sick of hearing at the holiday dinner table.
The blog brings to light the kinds of uncomfortable questions that we musicians are often asked when are forced to be face to face with our “responsible” family members. I for one am not tired of these kinds of questions or comments because for many years I have been awkwardly and brazenly squashing these dinner table chats with a ferocity all my own.
I have answered the questions from the aforementioned blog in a stream of consciousness style to simulate what would be my natural reaction to these kinds of questions. I do have family members that will vouch for my “angry dog in the corner” attitude if any of you have a hard time believing the authenticity of my answers.
I would hope that by now you have developed your own method of staving off the artistic civilians in your lives but just in case you haven’t feel free to use my answers of examples of how to (or not how to) respond.
1. So, are you still doing that music thing?
What music thing?
2. When are we going to hear you on the radio?
You might hear my music if you pick the right station. Try it on the way home. Make it a game.
3. Hey my neighbor’s kid plays guitar, I think. Seriously he’s really good. You should have him play with you.
Sure. Call him right now.
4. Sing something.
You first (and smile).
5. Did you hear the Nelson’s daughter is getting married this summer? Maybe you could play at her wedding. I think they’re on a tight budget so that could just be your gift. BTW, do you think you’ll ever tie the knot? Are you seeing anyone? (and the list goes on and on).
I remember the Nelsons. I can play at the their wedding if they want but I don’t believe in gifts. I don’t think I’ll ever tie the knot. Suicide is against my religion. I’m seeing several people actually. Do you like pictures?
6. So, what else do you do for work? I mean, like, during the day.
7. Have you tried out for The Voice yet?
I did but I was disqualified….I slept with a judge. That’s apparently a violation of their “rules.”
8. Did you hear that cousin Jason is going to be having a baby? When are you gonna get on that?
Cousin Jason isn’t my type.
9. Well, we should probably put the family reunion on the calendar now because Jessica always has her music stuff on the weekends.
I wish I could but I have to set my car on fire that day.
10. Have you heard that new Katy Perry song? Why don’t you sing more Katy Perry?
I don’t think Grandma’s hair is real. (Trust me. A completely “out” response often scares people off for good)
11. Hey, when you open for someone big you should tell me and I’ll come see ya.
Sure. You’ll just have to tell me how I can get in touch with you.
12. Can you put me on the list?
YOU have been on my list for years now.
13. Your life always seems so interesting and fun. I wish I had fewer responsibilities.
What are responsibilities?